Sunday night, I was hanging out with some of the contributors at Nerditis World Headquarters watching “Breaking Bad”, drinking Scotch and brewing up our own version of Heisenberg’s blue formula. As we were talking about the show, I got a craving for some fried chicken. Why? Simple, since 2008 the backdrop of the meth empire of Albuquerque has been Los Pollos Hermanos. Unfortunately, it doesn’t exist in real life, so I had to make do with some dinosaur-shaped pressed chicken-flavored nugget-type food product I found in the freezer in the breakroom. Man, someone needs to clean around here.
Anyway, this led to a conversation about fictional restaurants that we wish existed, and these are our picks! Feel free to add yours in the comments.
5: Los Pollos Hermanos
Ok, it’s what started the conversation. Sure, it was a front for a huge meth operation, but the restaurant seemed to be doing well on it’s own. Gus said it was his brother’s recipe, and Los Pollos Hermanos came before the meth operation. They actually batter dipped their chicken, which is a rarity. Usually it’s breaded. Batter dipped fried chicken with a Mexican flair? Sounds great!
Seeing as how they were all over the town, they must have had great chicken. It was almost as if there was something addicting in the batter.
On your way to the Jersey Shore to play skeeball, stop in to Mooby’s and order a Cow Tipper with a side of Freedom Fries and a Mooby’s Own cow pie for dessert. Make sure you say hi to your Funployee Randall and check out the latest info from MoviePoopShoot.com on their complementary internet kiosk!
Unless you live under some rock, or possibly Detroit, you probably know Mooby’s as the McDonald’s knock-off that lives in the world created by Kevin Smith. Featured in Clerks 2, Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Ok, the food probably sucks worse than a Michael Bay movie, but where else is there to eat in the Askewniverse?
3: Bronto Burgers Drive-In
Probably the first place you ever wanted to go eat as a kid was the Bronto Buger Drive In from The Flintstones. Why not? With the enormous brontosaurus burgers and the gigantic racks of brontosaurus ribs so big it tips over your wood and stone car! You can’t get ribs like that anymore, not even in Texas! I’ve looked.
2: Pizza Planet
It’s the one place that’s in every Pixar movie. Part Chuck E. Cheese, part neighborhood pizza place from the 80s, it’s the perfect place for birthday parties, video games and THE CLAW! If you grew up anytime from the 80s until today, you’ve been to a place like this, although few have the staying power that Pizza Planet has. Plus, they deliver in an old, yellow beat up Gyoza pickup. Great way to get around town and those things run forever!
Let’s face it, it’s probably the most legendary restaurant in the history of the universe! From the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy five part trilogy and the mind of Douglas Adams comes Milliways: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe! Milliways is built in a time bubble and is projected forward in time to the precise moment when the universe itself implodes for your dining enjoyment. Everyone who was anyone will be there. The place is expensive, but just deposit one penny in your savings account, and by the time you finish your mean, compound interest will have taken care of the cost.
The best part is when the main course introduces itself and recommends which parts you should eat. Their slogan: “If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”
Oh, and an earlier version sits on the Promenade deck of DS-9. What? Don’t believe me? Check out the directory for the Promenade. http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Promenade#Directory