You Can Finish “Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes” In Less Time It Takes You To Masturbate

I wonder if searching for porn at the library also counts as "tactical espionage operations"? Editor's Note: Watch it, Rick.

I wonder if searching for porn at the library also counts as “tactical espionage operations”? Editor’s Note: Watch it, Rick.

In case you’ve been living under a rock recently, Hideo Kojima’s latest sneaking-in-cardboard-boxes simulator “Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes” have just hit the shelves today in the U.S., with a Japanese release slated for two days later and seven days after for Australia. While Metal Gear games have always meant a shoe-in for “The Best” tag for Playstation games, it’s no exaggeration to say that this one might be missing out on the same title its brethren have previously wield.

Especially when the game could be wrapped up in less than fifteen minutes (not counting cinematics, of course). BEHOLD!!

Twelve minutes and thirteen seconds. TWELVE. GODDAMN. MINUTES!! THAT is how long it takes for you to finish a game that you just bought and paid thirty American dollars for! Thirty AMERICAN dollars, folks! I mean, for fuck’s sake, it probably takes more than twelve minutes for you to masturbate! Hell, it probably took even MORE than twelve minutes and thirty dollars to find and fap to that ever so elusive Granny Porn movies!

Editor's Note: GodDAMMIT, Ricky!

Editor’s Note: GodDAMMIT, Ricky!

In the immortal words of those outdated and unfunny series of Star Wars meme: IT’S A TRAP!! This is not the Metal Gear Solid V game you’re looking for. My advice is for you to save your money and wait until the REAL Metal Gear Solid V, “Metal Gear Solid V: Phantom Pain”, comes out later on. This, this is just Hideo Kojima buttfucking you in the ass while stealing your hard-earned money!

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2 responses to “You Can Finish “Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes” In Less Time It Takes You To Masturbate

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