And You Wonder Why I Hated “Dark Souls”

*mad cackles*

*mad cackles*

With all of the talking heads online praising how great Dark Souls 2 is and shaming me for being a pansy and not open-minded enough about hard games, I was about ready to buckle under the pressure. Fortunately, troll gamer Strippin’ of Yogscast had managed to reaffirm my resolve that every single one of the gamers who played this game online are dicks, and the game is not worth the grief it’ll inevitably bestow upon me.

Pictured.

Pictured.

You see, the types of online players in Dark Souls 2 are divided into colors, with white being a friendly “Phantom” who will help you and hold your hands and possibly traipse along the fields giggling to each other like the BFFs that you are. On the other side of that coin are the red Phantoms, whose only goal in life is to dick you so hard you’ll taste scrotum. But that’s cool, right? You just need to trust whitey and stay the fuck away from the reds, right? [Editor's Note: Change that wording NOW, goddammit!]

Well, what if I told you that there is an item in the game that can disguise your dickish red Phantom self so that you appear as a white Phantom to other players? What do you think will happen?

Dickishness. Dickishness is what will happen.

The trap is sprung in two steps: first, the asshole procures a White Ring accessory, and next he’ll enter into a Rat King Covenant at either the Grave of Saints or the Door of Pharros. All he has to do now is to wait for a “fellow trespasser” to come close, act all friendly-like, and when the most opportune moment comes, kill the victim dead in the most humiliating fashion ever. Possibly with some tea-bagging involved.

Pictured: your average online Dark Souls II player.

Pictured: your average online Dark Souls II player.

I can understand the need to make the game more challenging by dicking other people before they dicked you, but I can only understand that when the game just felt too easy. What I DON’T understand is the URGE to be an even BIGGER cockhole in a game that is ALREADY filled with cockholes trying to dick you so hard you’ll taste scrotum. That’s not how normal people behaves.

No, that’s how fucking homicidal MANIACS behave, and I for one refused to roleplay with ANYONE who thinks nothing of dropping me into a pit and making dresses out of my goddamn SKIN!

About these ads

3 responses to “And You Wonder Why I Hated “Dark Souls”

  1. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation?
    My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping
    it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you
    know any ways to help prevent content from being stolen?

    I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  2. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
    In any case I will be subscribing in your feed and I’m hoping you write once more very soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s