Life In Plastic: Toy Review Followup: The Unnamed One’s Swag

In all the hoopla over The Unnamed One, I almost forgot to list his extras!

As two special bonuses for MOTUC subscribers, the Unnamed One shipped with two bonus items:  A Horde Map, and the mini-comic He-Man Vs. Skeletor!  Their Final Battle!  In the interests of copyright, fairness, and legality, I am not going to produce the whole comic here, or even a large portion of it – or even a full page, for that matter.  But hey, you can still use your imagination!

Firstly, the Horde Empire Map:

***

HORDE EMPIRE:  Tyrannical Galactic Rulers

In the heavily populated outer systems of the Eternian Dimension, the Democratic Alliance was set up to enforce trade routes and keep the peace.  All of this changed the day Seferus Kur came to power and founded the Horde Empire.  Calling himself the Horde Lord, he and his sons used technology and newly discovered magic to unnaturally extend the lives of all those they commanded.  Ruling the galaxy through terror and fear for many centuries, Seferus’ sons used black spells to assassinate their father, and the eldest son Anillis claimed Hordeworld’s throne for himself.  To secure his rule, the newly dubbed Horde Prime sent his scheming younger brother far away on a foolish crusade of revenge.  Eventually, the Earth/Eternian Twin Warriors invaded Horde World and in a climactic battle, ended the Horde Empire’s rule using the Power of Grayskull.

***

Other than that, the map is a big fold-out poster.  To be honest, it’s probably the least important of the MOTUC maps (the ones of Eternia and Etheria were way more useful), but there are a couple of points of interest.

Falleen

They seem to have somehow nabbed Falleen from Star Wars

Robotica

Am I the only one who hears the Futurama theme when I look at this?

Anyway, that’s… about it for the map.  It’s a chart of a bunch of fictional planets without any real detail given to their systems, galaxies, or even scale/size.  But hey, an extra is an extra.

And then we have.. He-Man Vs. Skeletor!  Their Final Battle!

Summary first, goodies later:

When the comic picks up, the New Adventures in space have been going on for years.  Galactic Protectors He-Man and She-Ra are preparing for a final battle against Horde Prime, and they’ve made an alliance with Skeletor to do this.  In the course of barely two pages, we get to see the invasion and part of the fight with Horde Prime before He-Man and Skeletor are teleported faaaar faaaaaar awaaaaay.  And no, you do not get to see the outcome of She-Ra vs. Horde Prime.  or even any of the fight, really.

He-Man and Skeletor land on Trolla, the planet of the Trollans (remember them?).  They interrupt a massive battle between the runners-up for the ’80s Create-A-Character contest and the 2011 Create-A-Character contest… which is probably the best part of the whole comic.  I mean, come on, take a look:

DefendersOfTrollaVsRevengeSquad

Yaaaaaaaay!

ANYWAY, Skeletor joins the bad guys and He-Man joins the good guys.  The good guys explain that they are the Defenders of Trolla, and are fighting The Unnamed One’s Revenge Squad, led by the snake-woman Lady Slither.  Skeletor meets up with Slither and talks really big about fighting He-Man, whom everybody on the planet knows for some reason.

The comic immediately fast-forwards to the FINAL BATTLE, with He-Man and Skeletor meeting on the bridge to Trolla’s version of Castle Grayskull.  They talk about power for a second, and then Skeletor and He-Man both get transformed from their New Adventures selves into the ultra-rare nearly-unproduced Laser-Light He-Man and Skeletor figures.  They have a final battle for about half a page before He-Man channels the power of Grayskull/Trolla, and just zaps the life out of Skeletor.  The demon Demo-Man flees, leaving Skeletor as Keldor, and dying.  Keldor repents of his evil and makes He-Man promise to rule Eternia wisely, and then dies (Sadness!).  You get a super-brief preview of the Son of He-Man (just two group shots), and then the comic ends…

…Or Does It?!?!?!?

The last page shows several mysterious Zodac-types talking about how their needs to be a balance between good and evi in the universe (because too much goodness would be bad), at which point Despara (a female Hordak-type, originally introduced in the DC comic as a disguised/brainwashed She-Ra), resurrects Skeletor “For the Honor of Grayskull.”  THE END.

And that’s it.

I’ll say this:  The ideas were nice, the new character designs were cool… the comic just felt rushed.  It zoomed through the most important parts of the He-Man mythos with a fart and a whistle.  To put it in perspective, He-Man and SKeletor’s final battle is choreographed thusly:  They transform, Skeletor bumps He-Man on the face with his staff and runs away, and He-Man kamehamehas him with Grayskull power.  That’s it.  The action is so rushed that it’s hard to tell what is going on.  The new character designs are not featured at all – you never even see a good look at She-Ra’s Galactic Protector costume, or Lady Slither’s outfit.  Two totally new characters never even get named.  The Unnamed One only shows up in that Son of He-Man group shot at the end.  SO yeah, it… needed more.  But in the meantime, let’s show off some character design highlights!

NA-Shera

This is She-Ra’s New Adventures/Galactic Protector outfit.  I… really, really like it.  Provided I can get a better look at it.  Yum, SHe-Ra.

LadySlither

A great look at Lady Slither’s face.  You don’t get to see much more of her, though she seems to be wearing at least a red tunic.

Netta

This is Netta, one of the Defenders of Trolla.  She is possibly the most beautiful female in the universe.

HansHammerHolder-RoboWoman-Muckman

Hans Hammer Holder, Robot-Woman, and Muckman did not come from either Create-A-Character contest, and thus are anomalies.  Neither Robot-Woman nor Muckman were named in the comic, but Scott Neitlich provided their names on an internet forum.  Also, Hans Hammer Holder is a hilarious name.

SonOfHe-Man

The Son of He-Man group shot, important because Spector’s brief cameo in the back caused people to go into conniptions and threaten to sue Neitlich for something or another.  Also, Dare looks like a putz.

UnnamedOne-Comic

This is The Unnamed One’s only appearance in the comic, in a group shot next to Skeleteen.  Yes, Skeleteen.

Despara

And finally, here is Despara.  Did She-Ra lose the fight and get brainwashed?  Win the fight and get possessed?  Or did she just kill Horde Prime and take the mantle to make the Horde good?  THIS LACK OF ANSWERS INFURIATES ME.

Anyway, there you go.  As a special bonus, here are the entries for both Create-A-Character contests – Gangstor was sadly disqualified from the recent one, hence why he did not appear in the comic.  And of course, Fearless Photog and Castle Grayskullman already made it into toy form.

he-man-create-a-character-80s

three-beast_full ra-jar_full majorheader_full gangstor_full castlegrayskullman_full bubblor_full

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3 responses to “Life In Plastic: Toy Review Followup: The Unnamed One’s Swag

  1. The entries from the new Create a Character contest are all awesome. I’d buy all of them! They should have just made all of those instead of making Spector, Cy-Chop and Sir Laserlot…

    • It’s all gone downhill since the day they one-upped Skeletor.

      Hordak has been one-upped since the old cartoon, though. Don’t blame Neitlich for Horde Prime.

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