Von Rout’s Gaming Spew: Response to Xbox One Reaction

Oh, hi there.

I was going to write an article about boobs in videogames (actual boobs; breasts, even), but decided that, since this was my first post here, I’d pop my Nerditis cherry with something less, well, booby.

…introduction! Where are my manners?!  I’m Von Rout, the Crown Bastard of Videogames, and I’m generally Not Safe For Work (although I will try to be on my best behaviour).  The poor, naive, misguided fools wonderful people here at Nerditis have drafted me in to spew my take on videogames directly into your eyeballs, and to make you love me.  So, without further ado…

Xbox One!  Huzzah!  The next generation of consoles are on the horizon!  Rejoice! Wait…what?  You’re not happy with it?  Get a helmet or GTFO.  Preferably the latter.

A whole bunch of people (read: the entire fucking Internetz) seem to have thrown their toys out their prams over some of the information that came to light during Microsoft’s recent Xbox One reveal: stamping their feet like nerve-damaged dinosaurs trying to shake off cramp, all the griping that gamers have been doing has struck me as nothing short of laughably  narrow-minded.  Notice my emphasis on “gamers” in that previous sentence – arguing the toss about superfluous peripherals and as-yet unconfirmed rumours pertaining to privacy and what-have-you is out of my remit here, and, in fact, a waste of time.

Unhappy with the Xbox One launch, the Internet is quelled by a piss gun

Police use their Piss Gun to humiliate Xbox One rioters

Folk, in a rather tedious and predictable manner (since this brand of dissent always plagues the advent of new gaming systems), have voiced concerns about the lack of actual game announcements during the Xbox One reveal.  These dull people have generally missed the fact that E3, the world’s biggest gaming showpiece, is right around the corner.  Most game companies with forthcoming releases will have, wisely,  been waiting to announce their games at E3  to ensure their titles didn’t get overshadowed by the hubbub surrounding the Xbox One.  That said, I suspect there may have been some form of backroom deal or incentive for specific games being shown during the unveiling of the Xbox One (and let’s be honest: you can set you watch by Call of Duty game launches, so Activision probably weren’t worried about sharing the limelight with a console launch).

This year’s E3 aside, the prowess of the Xbox One’s gaming quality will be proven over time by the strength of the games that game developers make for it during its lifespan: not by a list of games delivered during the console’s reveal.  The Xbox 360 only had around twenty games on its launch, and it turned out to be a damn fine gaming machine.

Worried about graphics?  Incredibly, some lunatics are claiming that they are exactly just that. To them, I say this: have you seen any of Battlefield 4’s videos or screenshots yet? Hell, Battlefield 3 looks damn fantastic in its own right (it’s probably the finest looking game I’ve ever played, although I am a sneering PC elitist for what it’s worth), but BF4 has raised the bar to dizzying new heights…even if it were to suck ass as a game, I’m still likely to repeatedly smash my face against my monitor to embed shards of its shmexy goodness straight into my optic nerves.  Hell, even the newest Call of Duty (subtitled “Grandfather’s Ghost,” or some shit)  looks damn fine, albeit slightly less face-smashingly so.

Battlefield 4: Operation Sexy Pants

War has never looked so sexy

Basically, the gaming-focused whiners have jumped the gun and, as is sadly the norm, have taken to their forums of choice and kicked up a wholly unqualified shitstorm of impatient negativity.  Be smart and chill out.  Good times are coming.

Take it easy…

…and I’m (R)out.

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