5 Things the next G.I. Joe movie needs

GI-Joe-Retaliation-Poster

Yes there will be spoilers, so consider yourself warned.

Even though Cobra Commander’s first attempt to take control of the world via the mighty U.S. of A has been thwarted he is going to need new allies to continue his fight. 

Image

      Extensive Enterprises . The Crimson Twins- Tomax and Xamot. Along with the Crimson Guard. These two are perfect bad guys for our current socio-economic climate. I mean… they are bankers who have taken up with terrorists.  Their involvement in the next story almost writes itself. Also Tomax and Xamot share an empathic connection commonly known as “The Corsican  Syndrome” in which identical twins are believed to be psychically bonded, in a manner similar to The Corsican Brothers. While this is often useful, as it allows them to communicate wordlessly and finish each other’s sentences, it is also a liability as they feel each other’s pain. 

Image

Image

    Zartan (the one with the skin condition) and the Dreadnoks. It’s a proven fact, you can’t keep a good assassin down, and if a sword through the heart didn’t kill Storm Shadow in the Rise of Cobra, why the hell should we assume it would kill Zartan in Retaliation? Bring him back and have the Nanomites malfunctioning in Sunlight. As for the Dreadnoks. Whats not to love, a group of obnoxious bikers from Australia, willing to do whatever a job calls for. As long as the pay is right that is. I would like to see Zartan come back leading the Dreadnoks with all their wonderful toys.

Image

Buzzer the former Cambridge sociology fellow who went to Australia to research biker gangs, and enjoyed the lifestyle so much he stayed. Buzzer had a Diamond tooth chainsaw that could cut through almost anything; Ripper and Torch were malicious thugs who got creative with weapons.

Image

The pets! The loud mouth sailor Shipwreck had Polly. Snake eye’s is already the most dangerous member of the team, can you imagine him with his wolf Timber? Mutt had Junkyard by his side.

Image

Hell I would even love to see Spirit and his bald eagle Freedom despite the obvious racial stereotypes he perpetuates.Growing up I always thought Spirit was Awesome. A Total Badass!

Image

The expanded Joe universe. The specialty Joes. Bring in other “Characters” like Barbeque with his armor, Deep Six in his diving suit, or Gung Ho with his tattooed chest. The thing that made G.I.Joe fun was that each character was Identifiable, they weren’t just soldiers with big guns. They had character!

Image

Destro and M.A.R.S. (Military Armaments Research Syndicate) Bringing back James McCullen in the next movie would give the Baroness her proper flame again without that ridiculous love triangle that was constructed for the 1st movie.

Image

Seeing as how Channing Tattum had the courtesy to die in Retaliation, Destro could win her heart again without challenge. And while I am sure the Cobra Commander stole as much as he could while Zartan was president, you can’t steal genius.  Destro is an amazing tactician and his skills and contacts would serve Cobra well, Until he could find a way to override the nanomites which were coercing him into loyalty at least.

Image

One response to “5 Things the next G.I. Joe movie needs

  1. Pingback: Spotted Online – DisThunder Wishes for 6-Inch Scale G.I. Joe Action Figures·

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s