Drumming Out of Beat

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Last we started the OVA GUNDAM UNICORN.  I ranted about how you couldn’t follow a damn thing going on, and ended up banging my head against the desk repeatedly because of frustration and anger at the lack of explanation. Now we start the second hour of this awe inspiring piece of elephant excrement.  We have gone from one extreme to another with explanations. Instead of giving us no reason for what going on, they go into overboard detail…. That leaves you completely lost. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m more lost in this episode then I was with the first.

We open where Episode One left off, Confused stereotype Hero number 600 piloting a machine that he has no conscious familiarity with,transforming the suit into a Gundam. Everybody on the field of battle starts freaking out that this suit is a Gundam. Three minutes in and I am already wanting to smash things. Somehow they took the best possible mobile suit battles with some of the most beautiful mecha I have ever seen and made it boring. Between the jumping “reaction” shots and the over the top exclamations about the damn suit being a Gundam, with the exception of Audry the most boring and bland character to come out this side of Kristen Stewart.  Her reaction is nothing short of coma toast.  Now by this point you are almost joyful when the nonGundam pilot get a “physic message” to withdraw. I use quotes there because I have no other frelling clue of what it could be. We see her in mid battle then bearded guy’s face who I think is her commanding officer’s face superimposes over hers. Then she turns her head left and flies away.  Better get used to this image it gonna be here allot for this review.

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First two minutes and I’m already ranting. Oh joy. I guess at this point I need to stop take a breath and try this again. Now we are introduced to a character named Lieutenant Angelo and his superior office Full Frontal. Quick character rundown for Angelo. You know that one coworker you have at work that is so condescending to you that ripping his face off and dipping it in a salt bath would be the lowest way of tormenting the little douche bag. Mix that with the asshole that sucks ups so much that you know that if given the chance the little toad would wipe the bosses butt with his tongue.  That would be Angelo. I would love to say that I’m exaggerating for comedic effect. If anything I’m downplaying his douchieness.

vlcsnap-2013-07-05-19h40m47s243He just screams douche doesn’t he?

Now we flash back to the other ship and get this huge info dump…which means absolutely nothing except to confuse the audience.  Seems the gundam is made of a metal that allows the pilot to mentally connect to the machine. Then they start in about Laplases box again running around it. When you filter out everything it comes down to they don’t know what it is but the other side wants it and thinks the federation has it. Which they not sure if they do or not. My head hurts. Oh wait we can’t actually explain what going on with Laplasses box because hey some corporation honcho is telling the military that they can’t talk about it. WHAT?? Excuse me while I go slam my head into the wall. Maybe if I scramble my brains I can understand what the fuck is going on. Gods. This is going to be another one of those isn’t it?

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So after telling the military to fuck off with wanting knowledge about the situation, information they need so they can do silly things like plan the best way to deal with the threat,  corporate arse tells them to not return to base but to the corporate headquarters on Luna.  This leads to a half hour argument, most of which is on camera. Why they don’t just space his ass and do what needs to be done I don’t understand,  but their dilly dallying around leads directly to Full Frontal and Company finding them.

While the military and the corporate flunky compare who is bigger, we get treated to Aubry and friends of Bashiner, who are all feverly talking about who could be piloting the gundam. The pilot who saved idiots one through six comes up and offers to take a look at the gundam.  The little idiot that is used for awkward explanation and over zealous jumps at the chance to look while Mika, the one who you just know is going to cause a shit storm of problems later, gives a “Whatever”. Once again the writing or lack there of  shows through.  These characters are so one note that you just can’t really give a damn. Be they main characters or side characters they just are uninteresting and only there to move what is laughably called the plot along.

Well more arguing and stupidity, Bashier gets pulled out of the cockpit, gets questioned about where he got it, tells everyone it was given to him. No one believes him. He’s treated like a liar.  Friends are shocked that he in the Gundam. Then Full Frontal and company shows up. Another pointless battle happens. Bashier saves the day again. It is discovered Abury is a princess of Xeon.  I know it looks like I’m skipping stuff but that the meat. Most of the battles in this are used as exposition dumps. Current battle you get the whole history of Full Frontals Machine. And a bit of history of Zeon. Not much, just enough to bore you and ruin the battle. Oh and to top it all off before he jumps in the gundam, Bashier goes on a rambling emo rant about how Audry isn’t like that and they shouldn’t treat her like that and blah blah blah blah. It really ruins what little mood they have manage to build up in spite of themselves.

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Our hero everybody.
Whoever was in charge of overlooking this script should be beaten within half an inch of their lives. The pacing is awful, the dialogue is forced and rambling. And the monologues that are used as exposition dump are painful. Case for my argument. After all this crap, the gundam and pilot get captured by  Full Frontal. Abury in her bland and head bangingly boring voice tell the pilot that rescued her from the colony that all this will be brushed under the carpet…after ten minutes of “angst filled” conversation that makes the Hot Topic teens seem like they have genuine problems. All the while Full Frontal is monologue to Bashier about the history of the series, pontificating about superiority, and leaving the audience asking the question “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??”
All the while this is happening you have little fucktard Angelo acting like king shit to Bashier. Even though he has been told repeatedly to stop by his boss. Gahhh. Then they come back to Laplass’s box filling the air with words and not saying anything about it.

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Then when you can’t take anymore and are begging them to please just for once make some damn sense, the writers decided to throw questioning faith into the mix. And they start pontificating on that for the last twenty minutes of the episode, interlaced with bad descions by corporate flunky leading to a suicide assault on Zeon’s base to retrieve Laplass’s box. By this time I had given up and just started screaming at the screen.  The episode ends with Bashier holding a map to an escape route and directions on how to avoid the oncoming assault.  It was just a mess.

As I’ve stated before this is bad writing. The pacing is beyond terrible, the story is a confused mess. As with episode one the viewer is left wondering what the hell is going on. But for a different reason. Whereas episode one didn’t explain anything, episode two over explains everything and your brain just can’t handle it. You so confused on what was said by who that you still don’t know what going on. The characters are one note and the female characters in particular are an insult. Either whiny or bland they are there to either move the male’s story forward or act as a “reason” for the behavior of a male in a situation.  The artwork is absolutely stunning which makes the failures of the script and the voice acting all the more blatant. Honestly even if your are a fan of the UC universe, don’t waste your time or your energy on this magnus opus of  stupidity. Sadly I still have four more hours of this torment.picard_facepalm

Any ideas for future reviews on Drumming out of Beat will be gladly considered. Email your suggestions and comments to menoth22@gmail.com. Feel free to suggest anything. Thanks again for reading.

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