Welcome to another Weekly Time Waster! My name is Scott or Canadian Scott if you prefer and my area of nerd love comes from watching movies. I love them all; sometimes the worse a movie is, the more I love it. This weekly column is going to be bringing you some of the new release movies from the week relevant to us in the nerd world. I won’t be giving you spoilers but instead you’ll get to see some trailers and my thoughts on the movie. Enjoy and feel free to let me know of any others you think I missed.
I know everyone is on a bit of a high right now thanks to the explosive rise of the timeless SyFy release, Sharknado. So this week’s releases feature a fantastic palate cleanse to Sharknado featuring a genre that has fizzled out of relevancy, a family reunion on Christmas that proves nothing good ever happens when you go to Thailand, a horror anthology that tries to play off as tongue in cheek but comes across as stupid and finally we end up with a movie that asks what if you took the best from 80s and 90s Corey Feldman horror movies and get everyone mad at you for trying.
Ice Road Terror
Flashback two years ago and you couldn’t shake a stick without hearing about Ice Road Truckers. Well now I think we can finally but this thing to bed because they now have their own horror movie. Two Ice Road Truckers and one hot doctor are sent up to a remote mining facility. And when they arrive they discover the entire facility has been taken over by what appears to have been a gecko on steroids. Like any good Asylum/SyFy production expect to see some horrible acting, bizarre character actions and head scratching pseudo-science.
Don’t let the title fool you, this is not some Green Lantern movie or even a documentary about The Dark Knight trilogy but instead a lesson in why having a family reunion in Thailand is never really a good idea. This movie should really speak to me because it features my kryptonite which is found footage. A family decides to have a reunion in Thailand but then the family disappears and conveniently all that is left is the footage from camera capturing the events. I’m a little fuzzy on the details but it looks like someone in the family wants eternal life at the cost of the families. Like any good found footage movie expect to wonder how the camera is still being utilized when most would turn it off.
We see a lot of movies on this column that are so bad that maybe, just maybe the creators did it on purpose to be “ironic” or to be “edgy”. But then there are people like the creators of this movie which try to create a movie so bad that instead of “ironic” it is just bad. A loving couple check into a sleazy motel and the colourful inn keeper which for some reason looks like a crazy man plucked fresh off the front lawn of a mental hospital. The couple checks into rooms throughout the motel but are faced with “unspeakable” horrors. Now listen, I enjoy anthology movies but this is not the way to do it with a bizarre premise, bad stories and even worse acting.
Under the Bed
An emo filled teen returns home from a time in a looney bin thanks the terror that is under his bed. Two other teens channelling stereotypes from any good 80s horror movies are then challenged to join our emo lead to fight this demon under the bed. I think the writer thought to himself, I like 80s and 90s action/horror movies but how can I make you hate them rather than make you nostalgic. I don’t understand why the reviews have this movie being played like a straight horror film when clearly nothing in this screams horror to me other than the creature living under the bed.
That’s all for this week folks! Hope you enjoy some of the selections this week and be sure to let me know what you thought. Don’t forget to hit the comments and let me know if I missed something or if there is a movie out there you think I should check out. Also, make sure you check out some of my friends on Nerditis while checking me out and I’ll see you next week! Also, keep an eye out for new Tales from the Northside!