Life In Plastic: Who is Plundor?

plundor-figure

Sweet Holy Moses, they’re making the bunny rabbit.

So, why is there a pink bunny in Masters of the Universe Classics? I’m sure this question keeps you up at night. But Plundor is another of those cartoon-only characters who’s going to be graced with a toy (in December), and we just found out about his existence at the 2013 San Diego Comic-Con. And hey, since I like doing this… I’m gonna fill you in on Plundor. Unfortunately, Netflix has dropped He-man, but Hulu has Season 1! And Plundor’s episode is first-season, so we’re good. It’s titled, “Quest For He-Man.”

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The episode opens with a full-scale invasion on the palace! Okay, it’s two guys with rocket sleds. Trap-Jaw, who replaces his arms with tools he could just as easily hold in his hand, and Tri-Klops, whose special power is that he can see things. Since Eternos Palace has no security or army whatsoever, they pretty much blow up half of the place before Prince Adam takes off his pink shirt and becomes He-Man! And beats the two baddies up, because come on haven’t you seen this show before? Except that apparently it’s part of Skeletor’s Master Plan, which we learn when Tri-Klops totally blabs about it and nobody notices. So, He-Man chases Trap-Jaw down and has a duel of his sword versus Trap-Jaw’s “energy hook” (read: metal), only to get caught in one of SKeletor and Evil-Lyn’s super-duper magic spells that they really should have thought of using more than once. Skeletor uses his magic to wipe He-man’s memory, and throw him into space, landing on a completely random planet somewhere in the universe!

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And after He-Man comes back (sorry about the spoilers), Skeletor never thinks to try this again, or to send He-Man into the sun. Anyway, the remaining good people are kind of in a bad place here, so they go to the Sorceress for a solution. She is also stymied (because Skeletor is totally a stronger wizard than all the magic in grayskull), she calls Zodac, who is totally not a Jack Kirby New Gods ripoff.

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So, Zodac tells the heroes that, although he can observe, he cannot interfere with anything. That’s why he tells them where the planet is and gives them a magic wand that will take them there. He also gives cryptic clues on how to restore He-Man’s memory… okay, remember that Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns got shot? And how Chief Wiggum had that Twin Peaks-esque dream where Lisa was giving him hints on how to solve the case, but he couldn’t figure it out so she just started yelling it? Yeah, that’s about how subtle this hint is.

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Meanwhie, He-man wakes up on an alien planet with no memory of who he is! He gets accosted by some weird little marshmallow Kirbies, only for an angry bird-woman to threaten him and shoot his sword. This reminds He-Man of the Sorceress, because… I don’t know, he’s legally blind.

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And then… AND THEN!!! WE MEET PLUNDOR! And he’s… look, I’m sorry, I’m trying not to sound insensitive or bigoted or anything, but he… his voice… he sounds like he, um, enjoys some of the, er, more delicate things in life. We’ll leave it at that. Plundor watches them from a remote camera while waxing wistfully about He-man’s physique, and then looking right at the camera in time to say, “He will be of great use to me… Me, Plundor the Spoiler!” Who was he saying that to?

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So anyway, Orko, ram-Man, and Cringer go through the time-space portal because sending idiots and cowards is the only way to save the day! Cringer whines the whole trip, and Orko remarks that they ain’t gonna see anything more dangerous than a rabbit. Hardy-har har har. They land and find He-man’s sword, and then it’s back to He-Man and the Bird Lady Who Really Should Not Have Breasts. Birdie explains that the planet was once a beautiful lush forest, but Plundor The Hippity-Hopper took over the planet and ruined it with pollution coming from his factory and OH HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE THING?

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So Plundor polluted the place, and bird-lady takes care of all the remaining animals. She’s also got paintings of extinct species… but then Plundor’s robot rabbit-eggs (seriously) kidnap them. And hey… didn’t the big push to stick environmental messages in cartoons start almost a decade after this? Crazy, that. So they all get captured, while the happy-go-stupid heroic friends get lost looking for He-Man. Cringer mistakes a virtually identical cat for a “monster” (he’s a self-hating tiger?), and the cat brings them to He-Man. Oh yeah, back to Plundor!

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Plundor minces around about his dungeon, and offers for He-man to join him. he also reveals that he drained the planet’s life-force to create a magic immortality liquid… and instead of drinking it, he wants to sell it for money. Because he’s not actually rich, apparently. Despite his world-spanning factory, army of robots, and… AUGH!

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Plundor tells He-Man that he “could use those muscles of yours,” and He-Man refuses. Then the sidekicks show up and scare Plundor, because he’s just a pink bunny rabbit. Anyway, they all fight the robot guards, and He-Man gets his memory back when Orko gives him the Power Sword and he says “by the Power of Grayskull,” which restores everything.

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They trash the robots, and Plundor tries to shoot the magic liquid into space because “If I can’t make money from it, nobody will!” Wuss doesn’t even fight. But He-man being He-Man, he breaks the rocket and showers the magic potion everywhere, which restores the world to its former glory and ends pollution forever!

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And thus, the day is saved! Plundor goes to jail, Bird Lady rules the world, He-Man and company go home, and let us never speak of this again. Congrats, now you know who Plundor is.

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