FanFiction Friday: Six Year Anniversary, Week 1 – Identity Crisis

It all started here.

Yeah. Here we go again.

It’s been months, but I’m back. And drunk. And this is an anniversary edition of FFF. Six years (more or less) have we been mocking FanFiction, and now we celebrate. And masturbate. All month I’ll be offering commentary on some of FFF stories of the past. If there’s one you would like me to do, let me know.

Let’s get started.

Smurf smiled as he was softly awakened by the warm rays of daylight filtering through his bedroom window. He yawned and stretched, his mind slowly shaking away the mist of slumber. He rubbed his eyes, turned and sat on the edge of his bed, scratching the sides of his body. A few steps brought him to the shower, which Smurf took long and warm. The morning shower was one of his favourite moments of the day, still half asleep but the warm water running along his blue skin gradually bringing him to full wake.

Wait, is there really a smurf simply named “Smurf”? Wouldn’t that make his name “Smurf Smurf”? What?

Once his shower over, Smurf traded his night cap and jammies for his daytime cap and pants. Already he could smell the goods being prepared by Chef Smurf for the breakfast through the open window. His mouth watered as he imagined all the pastries being prepared with fresh smurfberries picked only the day before. Lost in a hungry daze, he left his house and joined the several dozens of other smurfs already in line to receive their breakfast.

“Receive their breakfast”? Okay, ignoring the grammar, are Smurfs religious? Because I have never heard ANYONE but a Christian talk about “recieving” meals.

He started a casual conversation with Handy Smurf, who was talking about what plans he had for the day. The smurf couldn’t quite understand what the genius was saying, but he enjoyed conversing with him regardless, try to learn a bit of what made Handy special.

Probably the autism.

“I’m sorry, I tend to babble on and on when I’m talking about my inventions,” Handy apologized with a silly grin after a while. “What are you going to do today?” he asked as he grabbed his pastry.

“Me? Well the sarsaparilla reserves are running low so I’m probably going to be chosen get some more.”

“That’s good,” Handy answered, not really listening as he saw Hefty waiving to him, a seat being free beside him. “Gotta go, see ya Smurf,” he said as he ran towards his friend. Smurf looked at him leave, a bit melancholic. He took a seat where he could and ate slowly, listening to the conversations around him but not involving himself in them. Poet and Painter were talking art, Clumsy was apologising for spraying jelly on Vanity, and Brainy was talking on and on to Grouchy, who just growled under his breath but let him go on. Everyone had someone it seemed. Everyone but him. And he knew exactly why.

Because he was an anti-social asshole named “Smurf Smurf”?

As the meal ended, Papa Smurf took the podium to distribute the tasks for the day to those who had none. As expected, he was chosen, along with Smurf and Smurf, to get some more sarsaparilla in the forest. He met with his team mates and left almost immediately, vocally acknowledging Papa Smurf’s warning about Gargamel before they left. A short hike later, the three smurfs had reached a patch of sarsaparilla bushes and proceeded to pick them into their baskets.

Fuck you.

Smurf had done the task numerous times before. He knew exactly what leaves gave the best flavor to the meals Chef prepared. But he also knew that it wasn’t why he was chosen to go pick the leaves in the first place.

Which smurf is this exactly? Is it Smurf, Smurf, or Smurf? Or even Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf Smurf  SMURF SMURF SMURF SMURF SMURF SMURF SMURF SMURF SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


Okay. I’m good.

“It’s because I have no name,” he grumbled.


“Did you say something?” Smurf asked.

“It’s because I have no name!” he yelled, throwing his basket full of leaves to the ground, shocking the other two smurfs.

I like how he’s gone through his entire life not giving a shit, and only now when he’s out gathering food the other three nameless faceless smurfs does he get pissed off that he has no name. It amuses me.

“What has gotten into you?” one of them asked.

“Yes, calm down Smurf!

“Which smurfing Smurf are you, you smurfing smurf?!”

“I honestly have no smurfing clue!”

“What is your name?” Smurf replied, daringly.

“Me? You know me! It’s Smurf!”

“And you?” he asked as he turned to the other Smurf.

“I’m Smurf,” the other answered, his voice softer and trying to calm his friend down.

“Oh, for smurfs sake!”

“Well so am I!” he yelled. “We’re all called Smurf! The village has a Handy Smurf, a Hefty Smurf, Painter, Poet, Brainy, Jokey and tons of other smurfs with names. But we don’t have any!” The other two looked at him with caution, unsure of how to respond.

“Don’t you see?” Smurf insisted. “We have no names, no identity. We exist in the village to do the dirty work like get sarsaparilla and wood. We never get asked to do something only we can do, because we’re not unique! We don’t have any unique skills. And that’s why we don’t have any names!”

“But Smurf, we don’t need any smurfing names! Or faces! Or personalities! Those things are hard to come up with!”

“Well what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” he said, walking about, unable to remain steady. “I guess picking sarsaparilla leaves like we do isn’t bad. I don’t dislike it, but I’m tired of being just plain old ‘Smurf’. I want a real name.”

His eyes were pleading for his friends to understand what he was saying, why he was angry, and they could but at the same time they were content in their more simple existence and it seemed to him that he was making a big fuss over nothing. But still one of them asked, “Did you talk to Papa Smurf about it?”

“Yeah, and he named me Whiny Smurf. The smurf. Smurf that smurfing smurf!”

“Not yet,” Smurf admitted, his eyes looking down.

“Papa Smurf knows best. If anyone can help you, it’s him.”

Smurf knew that they were right, the leader of the Smurfs did want to help every Smurf in the village, collectively and individually. Even Smurf had to recognise that the leader had well earned his title. He looked to his two friends and promised to go see Papa Smurf as soon as possible.

Why the fuck can’t you just get to the smurfing already. Er, fucking. Smurfing fucks.

The reminder of the day was eventless, the smurfs bringing back a hefty load of sarsaparilla leaves back to the village. It wouldn’t be enough to feed the whole village a single meal, but the duty was meant to increase the reserves rather than fill them up. Papa Smurf knew that he would have to assign more smurfs to the task if need be, but for today he was satisfied with what had been gathered.

The supper was uneventful and soon the smurfs were roaming around, finding games to play as the sky turned to dusk and then to night. Somewhere in the alleys, Smurf could hear his friends playing smurfball and usually, he would have joined them. He was pretty good and was usually selected among the firsts when teams were formed. But that night, he had too much on his mind and knew that only the elder smurf could help him with his problem. With the resolve to find an identity in mind, Smurf knocked on Papa Smurf’s door.

“Could you hold on? I’m getting a smurf job from Lady Smurf. It’s smurfing hot!”

“Oh, for smurfs sake!”

“Come in,” he heard the familiar voice say inside.

He entered and was greeted by the elder who cordially offered him a seat and some tea. The room was very orderly, yet could just as easily not have been. It was a laboratory of sorts, filled with alchemy potions and walls packed with books of all types. Some of the potions were fuming with as diverse colors as the liquids which emitted them. Smurf had only seen the room once and still was deeply impressed by it. But he quickly remembered why he was there.

“Papa Smurf,” he said, taking the cup of tea the elder smurf was offering, “I… I want a name.”

The red garbed smurf sat in front of the nameless one and nodded gravely. Encouraged, Smurf related his tale of identity crisis and how he felt faceless among the community.
“I don’t feel like I have a purpose here. You lead, Handy does machines, Hefty is the strongest, Brainy… Well I’m not sure what Brainy’s purpose is, but he has a distinct personality, that’s for sure.”

“He’s a book worm,” Papa explained. “He helps me often with my research, more often than you see.”

“What do I do? What is my purpose?”

“Well, I know you are good at gathering food. You always bring some very flavorful ingredients. I know I can depend on you when I send you out to the forest. I also know that you enjoy those games of smurfball.”

“I know! Mary Sue Smurf! No? How about Smurfball Smurf?”

Papa Smurf proceeded to describe the smurf in detail. He knew all of his likes and dislikes, his interests, his skills. It was as if the smurf had studied him all of his life, only Smurf knew that Papa Smurf had this kind of extensive knowledge on everyone in the village. It was heart warming, yet made him feel faceless at the same time.
“Well, I often send you out to do some harvesting, maybe you could be Harvest Smurf,” the elder smurf proposed, but Smurf vividly shook his head.

“No… I want to be unique Papa Smurf, I want a distinct character trait. I want to truly be different.”

“I understand.” The leader took a sip of his drink, lost in his thoughts. “You know, I may not be able to help you, because I understand you all too well. You want to distinguish yourself from the others, but you want something really personal to you as well. And that may well mean that you will have to find out for yourself who you want to be.” He closed his eyes for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, perhaps even recalling his youth. When Papa Smurf opened them once more, they were filled the warmth and love that a father should have. “Whatever you choose,” he said, “you know that you will always have a place here.”

“Okay, then I’m Fairy Smurf!”

*It’s Raining Men starts*

“Thank you Papa Smurf,” Smurf said as he got up. Nothing had been resolved, yet he now felt confident that his identity was an arm reach away. He got up, saluted the red clothed Smurf once more, and left for his home.

The streets of the village were calmer now. Most of the other smurfs had already gone to bed, and it would be a matter of minutes before the rest did as well. Smurf returned home, lost in his thoughts, searching for the path to take, his path. It seemed so easy to take just any name and be done with it, but it wouldn’t bring the personal rewards he sought to just throw away this opportunity. He had the chance to become anyone he wanted, or almost. Smurf felt unique and wanted to reveal this uniqueness to the whole world. But he had no particular skill, at least nothing in which he was truly the best and he knew it, so perhaps his name could reflect something else, an uncommon interest or way of life.

‘A way of life,’ he thought again. Although he didn’t know why, he felt inspired by it. Few Smurfs chose an actual way of life different from their brethren. Lazy Smurf slept almost his whole day away, but was it really a lifestyle? But Smurf wasn’t trying to get out of work, only distinguish himself.

How about Shitty Ass Boring Smurf? That fits, right?

He sighed, realising that the answer wouldn’t come to him tonight. He went to his bedroom and started preparing for bed. He removed his pants and put them in the laundry basket. And then, as he was about to put on his pyjamas, Smurf saw his reflection in the mirror. He looked at himself for a long time, and finally a smile came to his lips. He had found an identity.

Really? That was fast.

The next day, the smurf followed his usual routine as any other day. He woke up, stretched, took his shower as usual and soon found himself leaving his home, half led by the odor of breakfast in the warm summer air. But as soon as he stepped outside, the usual morning commotion stopped, all in his honor, to observe him.

The smurf had slept with his night cap and traded it for his usual day hat, but had not put on any pants. He was nude, revealing himself to the world. It was his choice, uncommon as it was and he felt excited about it. Some gasped, some giggled and others were just confused.


“Um, Smurf?” someone asked, approaching him with a smile. He was among those who thought the smurf was confused. “I think you’re forgetting something.”

“I didn’t forget,” the smurf smiled back. “I’ve decided that from now on, I would do away with the pants. I am proud of my body and wish to put it on display for all to see. You may call me… Nudist Smurf.”


A whisper among the crowd, the name could be heard several times at different places. There was no consensus, everybody had their own theory about what had happened to the smurf to make the choice of nudity. But no one contested him either, just as he had expected. If anyone was to step in, it would be Papa Smurf.

“What are you doing? You can’t go around nude!”

… Or Brainy Smurf, who arrived with his hands failing about to explain his claims.
“You are wearing no pants and in this village, everyone needs to wear pants. It’s common knowledge and tradition and Papa Smurf would not let you walk around without pants and he will see you and will tell you to put some on and…”

“Suck my smurfing dick, Brainy!”

Oh, god, that image is in my head now. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The reminder of his sentence was lost as Brainy was thrown away from the crowd as he always was. Regardless of how they felt towards Nudist Smurf, curiosity, confusion or other, Brainy always managed to divert attention back to himself long enough to be thrown out of the group. And now that he had, the others continued on their merry way to Chef’s kitchen, still peeking at the smurf’s nudity, but gradually simply accepting it as fact.

“Also, the male smurfs were kinda jealous, since he had a GIANT SMURFING PENIS.”

But of course, accepting did not dull out their curiosity. While waiting in line, the people around him asked a lot of questions about why he had decided to go about nude, if it was only for the day or something ongoing and the now popular smurf was only too happy to answer as truthfully as he could, but without going into the details of the drama. Finally, with his morning pastry in hand, he tried to find a seat. He noticed several hands waiving to him, and he was glad for it, but still chose to sit beside Smurf, with whom he had picked berries the day before. Smurf blushed, but said nothing.

Once the meal was over, Papa Smurf started distributing the roles of the day as he always did. Upon standing on his chair, Nudist Smurf noticed the leader looking directly at him, but he didn’t comment on the controversy. And as always, as the role calls were made, some names were omitted, because they had identities and some of them, like Vanity and Lazy, didn’t work well and had to be monitored too much.


“Yesterday we had a good collect of sarsaparilla leaves, but there are still more needed. Smurf, Smurf and Smurf, you three will go pick some more. As for the rest…”

“I’m sorry, Papa Smurf?” Nudist Smurf said as he got up. “I’d like to join the team getting the sarsaparilla leaves.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I might not want to have it as my name, but I do enjoy picking leaves and berries.”

“Alright then, go on.”

Really? You enjoy picking leaves? What type of fucking half wit are you, NUDIST SMURF?

And soon all four were on their way. They all knew the path, they had travelled it many times before. Usually when they travelled, the smurfs loved to talk, about anything and everything, but this time around the three smurfs felt a strange mix of curiosity and discomfort. They remained silent, lost in their thoughts, and Nudist Smurf respected it for a while. He had expected others to be affected and knew that he had to give them time to accommodate. After 10-15 minutes of walk however, he decided to encourage the discussion.

“You know, you can ask me questions.”

“Do we have to though?” one of the smurfs answered. He then precised his thought. “Not that we don’t want to talk with you or anything. It’s just that I understand why you decided to become a nudist. After all, you told us yesterday how you wanted to become different and unique, and now I guess you are.”

“Also, your nude. Gross.”

Say what you will, at least none of the blue people are having ponytail sex with a tree. Yet, anyway.

Nudist Smurf stopped and the others as well. They weren’t near any sarsaparilla bushes but now would be a good time to talk. And the third nameless smurf, who had not been there the day before, would understand the situation better as well. Because the naked smurf didn’t just want to stir controversy, he wanted to be understood and accepted as well.

“Why are you uncomfortable at my nudity,” he asked the rest of the pack bluntly.

“Well, it’s very sudden and unexpected,” Smurf answered. He tried, but couldn’t find the words he was looking for to define it.

“Also, your penis.”

“We’ve known most of the smurfs in the village, with their skills, interests and dreams, for what seems like forever,” Smurf continued, “but your love for nudity and exhibition seems to come out of the blue. And let’s face it, it’s very different from everyone else’s interest. Most of us dress the same, or add something subtle to distinguish ourselves, like a flower in Vanity’s hood or Handy’s trusty pencil.”

Hey, Nudy here has a trusty pencil PENIS.

“And I’ve taken the same approach, but reversed it. I removed something to be different.” He took a few steps around, trying to form a better explanation for his friends. “I’ve always conformed to the traditions of the village. I wore the traditional clothes, day and night, and I played the games, and I worked to my assigned tasks. But I’ve always wanted to try something different. When I undressed last night, I realised that maybe I didn’t want to wear my pyjamas to bed. In fact, maybe I didn’t want to wear clothes at all.”

“You still kept your cap though,” Smurf argued.

“Yeah, I decided that I liked it and I kept it. In fact, there are other traditions I’d like to break. Or at least, would like to see what would happen if we didn’t follow them.”


That could actually be cool. “BREAKING SMURF: The show about a smurf who cooks jimjo leaves!” I’d watch it.

Smurf was curious to know what it was, but also apprehensive because he knew that in some way, he would be involved. But Smurf was more daring than his friend and asked the question on all of their lips.

“And what is it?”


Nudist Smurf wasn’t sure how easily he would be able to blurt it out, but he had sounded very natural. There was silence for a moment as his companions thought about what had just been said. They all knew about sex, but it was more of a human custom than a smurf one. Smurfs didn’t reproduce, they awaited the arrival of a stork carrying a baby, once every blue moon. They had sexual organs, but didn’t use them for leisure. It was simply not something the smurfs were interested in as a rule, and yet now Nudist Smurf was curious about it. The topic felt taboo and no one wanted to proceed with it, and it came to everyone’s surprise that the shyest of the three was the first to break the silence.

“Get on your knees.”

“Ever noticed how things changed after Smurfette came to the village?” he asked his friends. “But don’t think I’m saying that because I don’t like her, because I do! It’s just that… well, you all seemed enamoured with her, giving her gifts and fighting for her attention. But me… well I never really look at her like that. I never felt that attraction to her.”

Smurf wanted to respond how lovely and beautiful Smurfette was, but Nudist Smurf interfered. He understood that the smurf was saying something very personal and important to him. He simply nodded and encouraged Smurf to go on.

“I’ve… kind of always been looking at all of you, secretly. We all recognise each other among ourselves, but still we look pretty similar. But I’ve noticed all the details about each of you, the subtleties of your faces and bodies. I loved our trips to the beach, where I could see… the whole package.” The smurf turned his head away as he felt himself blushing. “And now, you started walking around and all I felt like was to…” But he couldn’t say it. And so he remained silent.

One more (NSFW).

If you couldn’t tell, I just learned how to embed video’s. It’s pretty great.

“I never knew,” Smurf said, in awe. Again, disgust wasn’t in him, as it wasn’t in any of his companions. But he was surprised to learn that a male smurf had been looking at him like that. Nudist Smurf smiled, now knowing that this smurf would be willing to try out with him. Slowly, he walked to his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder.
The shy smurf turned and met his friend’s eyes. They were understanding, and willing.
“What do you want to do,” Nudist Smurf whispered to his ear. He could feel his penis hard between his legs. He didn’t know when it had gotten hard, probably when he realised how the smurf felt. And now, as he stood nude in front of the gay smurf, he was aroused, lustful, and ready.

Gay Smurf does have a ring to it. What?

And the gay smurf could resist no longer. He had waited for an opportunity like this for years and now that it had, he wouldn’t let it ho to waste. The smurf dropped to his knees and gazed at his friend’s erection. It was blue and turned to purple on the end, not too large and it gave off an exhilarating smell. There would be no preliminaries, as Smurf opened his mouth as large as he could and took it all in his mouth. And the moment he did, Smurf knew that it was exactly what he wanted.

Smurf licked and sucked, making a slobbering noise. He licked the length of it, kissed it all around, sucked the tip and tasted the overflowing juices. With his hands, he rubbed the naked smurf, touched his chest, his thighs and even his butt cheeks. His breathing was loud and betrayed his lust for the smurf.

Nudist Smurf’s mind had blanked for a moment, the overwhelming sensation of Smurf’s touch and mouth getting the best of him. He felt his knees weakening and grabbed his friend’s head in an effort to remain still. It made the gay smurf slip the cock deeper in his mouth, for which he didn’t mind at all. Unwillingly, Nudist Smurf’s hips starting bucking, wanting to keep his friend’s mouth more and more, deep the warmth as much as he could.

“deep the warmth”?

The tempo increased as Nudist Smurf thrust faster into the moist mouth. He had never expected such a sensation, and had completely forgotten about where he was. The smurf could feel a tingle in his balls, the forecast of release. Smurf could see that his friend was nearing orgasm and he used his hands to help him, stroking the foreskin of the cock as he sucked the top of it. He could hear Nudist breathing more rapidly and deeply, moaning softly, lost in his world of lust. And the gay smurf wanted nothing more than to drink his love juices.


And finally he did as the nude smurf cried of relief and pleasure and came, shooting his load into the eager mouth of the smurf. His grasp on the head was tighter than ever and his hips bucked with every shot he sent. The gay smurf avidly swallowed the juices, enjoying the sweet taste of it. After the fifth, his tense body finally lost all of his strength and fell limp on the ground. The gay smurf crawled to his mate and cleaned the cock head with his mouth, making the other smurf giggle at the sensation.

“That was… I never felt anything like it,” the nude smurf said, still panting heavily, as the other smurf finished his clean up job.

“I have never been so aroused in my life,” the gay smurf said. “I never thought this could feel like such a release. It’s like I’ve awakened from a long slumber and now I see everything differently. And it’s all thanks to you,” he added to the nudist smurf, kissing him on the cheek as he said the words. “Thank you.”

It’s not gay as long as the balls don’t touch. Or something.

“It was my pleasure.” Both remained silent for a long minute, and then something came to mind to Nudist Smurf. He looked up and saw the other two smurfs still standing, looking at them, entranced and voiceless. “Did you enjoy the show?” he asked casually. The gay smurf, who had forgotten about the onlookers, now felt shy and tried to hide behind the nude smurf as he could. An erection could clearly be seen in his pants, as well as a small stain.

The other two smurfs kept silent, still under the shock of what had just happened. Sex was a human custom and neither of them had ever seen it, let alone live it. Yet their attraction for Smurfette could be considered lust and sexual as well. At the least, it was something they didn’t completely comprehend. But they had now seen the act executed between two males and they felt… awkward. They didn’t understand what they were feeling.

Disgust? It’s what I’m feeling.

Finally, one of them took a step forward. “I… I want to try,” he said. Curiosity had been stronger than everything. He felt himself blushing and looked down. But Nudist Smurf only had a warm look for his curious friend. He looked to the gay smurf to inquire but didn’t need to.

“Of course,” the gay smurf responded spontaneously, no more shy about himself. “You should both join in!”

The curious smurf turned to his nameless friend, who thought for a moment, and shook his head. “No,” he said. “Thanks for the offer, but no. This is just too weird and new for me, I need time. A lot of time.”

“And bleach. Lots and lots of bleach.”

“I understand,” the gay smurf said tolerantly. “But if ever you want to try it out… well, you know where I live,” he added with a wink which made the other smurf blush and look away. He took a deep breath and started walking towards the sarsaparilla bushes, further along the way.

“I’ll go start picking the leaves up. You guys come and join me when you’re done.”
His voice was as cheerful as he managed among the confusion. He wasn’t angry nor annoyed and in fact he welcomed the time alone, to think about all that had happened. His friends waved him off, before turning back to one another.

“I want to try something else,” the gay smurf said as he removed his pants, revealing his full blue body as Nudist Smurf did. “You get undressed to,” he mentioned to the third smurf. The nameless smurf was shyer than his friends, but he still followed the indications and removed his pants, revealing his own erect cock to his friends. The gay smurf smiled at the sight. Then, he kneeled on hands and knees on the ground, displaying his ass and hole to all.

“Buttsex Smurf” doesn’t sound as catchy as “Gay Smurf”.

“I want you to put your cock in here,” he said, slipping the tip of his finger in his hole to explain. It made the curious smurf nervous.

“I’m not sure that…”

“Please, I want you to stuff me with your cock and shoot your load inside of me!” the kneeling smurf begged. But the smurf couldn’t budge. All of this was so alien to him, putting his cock in that hole felt… weird, wrong maybe. And once more, Nudist Smurf was more than up to the task.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it. You can get his head. Best head in the village I’m sure,” he added with a wink. The curious smurf was relieved, but still tense at the idea of what he was about to do. Still, he swallowed hard and sat in front of the smurf, his cock at only a few inches from his face.

“Now what do I…”

But the Smurf never finished his sentence. The pheromone musk of the cock dangling in front of him was enough for the gay smurf to want to devour it whole on the spot. He only approached his body, hands in front of him, and grabbed Smurf’s tool, rubbing it and playing with it at first, teasing his friend and making the pleasure last. Smurf bit his lip, finally understanding how Nudist Smurf had reacted. Instantly, his breathing became irregular and deep, his confused, curious and inquisitive mind overwhelmed by a simple touch, some rubbing and finally the mouth which fell on him.

Smurf was in heaven.

“The clouds were blue! And kinda sticky.”

On the other side, Nudist Smurf was observing the puckered hole, sliding his hands along the round mounts of the ass cheeks, and his finger along the crevice, stopping to push it partially inside the rim. He could feel the tightness of it and the resistance it offered. He spat in his hand and on his fingers and tried it again, sliding his finger slowly in, making sure he didn’t hurt his friend.

But the submissive smurf’s moan only encouraged him to go further. He pushed his chubby finger slowly, turning it around to stretch the orifice. He could feel the ring spasming around his finger and loosen, if only a little. But it was enough to make Nudist Smurf confident. He spat in his hand some more and added his spit to the drying natural lubricant the earlier blowjob had provided. And then he placed the tip of his cock at the entrance.

Oh, fuck you! Trying to just put a finger in dry is near impossible, let alone a full fucking dick.

The gay smurf had only sucked one other cock in his life, but he was immediately addicted. He couldn’t explain it, it was like it entranced him with its smell, its taste. The length was perfect, the ball sack hairless. He could use his hands and rub Smurf all around, lick and kiss and make his mate shiver with pleasure. Smurf’s ecstasy was in the gay smurf’s hands and he was willing to put his all in making it the best experience Smurf ever had. And from the cries of passion, he knew he was succeeding at it.

And then, Nudist Smurf thrust his hips and penetrated his cock between the chubby blue mounds surrounding the eager hole. And at that moment, time stopped for the gay smurf. He lifted his head up from the surprise and took a deep breath. He had never felt anything like it before. But he knew instinctively what to do. As time resumed, he retracted himself from the cock, and pushed again against Nudist Smurf. And Nudist Smurf needed no further encouragement to proceed. He grabbed the smurf’s hips and rhythmically started to thrust in and out of the tight hole.


Smurf didn’t want to be left hanging, not now that he had known such delectable pleasure. He grabbed the gay smurf’s head and placed it back where it belonged, between his legs. Like Nudist on the other end, he started to thrust in and out of the face and the gay smurf only obliged, using his tongue to sweeten the deal. He licked and sucked as he could, using his hands to stroke every part of the Smurf’s body, all the while feeling Nudist Smurf’s hardness pumping fiercely inside of him. The elation of being taken from both sides, the gay smurf’s dream, was immense and he could feel his orgasm building rapidly.

“He grabbed the gay smurf’s head and placed it back where it belonged”. Is this Smurf talking, or the author? Does it even really matter? And WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?!

But Smurf was getting there faster. His hips were bucking furiously, meeting with the tight grip of the lips. His breath was short from the expectation of what was to come. And just as he felt himself release, a particularly well placed thrust from behind sent gay smurf’s head upwards, liberating the cock as it shoot it’s load through the air and on his face. But the gay smurf cared not, he just pushed himself hips harder against his mate. He could hear the Nudist Smurf crying out.

“Oh Smurf! Smurf!”

But it was not only an exclamation, it was a name. And Smurf decided there and then to take the only name which would ever be fitting for him.

“Call me Gay Smurf!”

“Ah! Gay Smurf! I’m coming!”

And cum he did. His orgasm was stronger than the first. He had kept it in for as long as he could but once he felt he could no more, he thrust one final time deep inside of Gay Smurf and released his love juiced inside the inviting orifice. Every shot made him spasm a little and his breath was short for a moment. But once his orgasm subsided, Nudist Smurf still knew he had one last task to do. He had Gay Smurf roll to his back and proceeded to give him the same attention he had received before.

Gay Smurf was fully erect and sensitive to every one of Nudist’s charms. He took his suck in his mouth and tasted the precum for the first time of his life. The salty liquid was not offence to his taste, he could get used to it. He passed his tongue along the head of the cock and inside the skin the uncut cock. Using his hands, he stroked him vigorously, making Gay Smurf pant and grab the soil under him. And then he came as well, shooting wave after wave of clear semen across the air and on to his chest. It was his first orgasm.

So, shouldn’t Nudist Smurf and Other Smurf now be called Gay Smurf as well? Whatever.

Once it was over, he just laid on the grass, legs and arms spread, a big smile adorning his face. He had never smiled so widely in his entire life. He was covered with cum, others and his own. And he was happy. The sex had been a release of everything inside of him, his true self. And along the way, he had made others feel good as well. His task over, Nudist Smurf had fallen on his side, looking at Gay Smurf and Smurf behind him. The curious smurf regretted nothing. The experience was worth living and he knew it would be on his mind for a long time. They kept silent for a long time, just enjoying the fresh breeze of the summer.

But after a while, Nudist Smurf got up, and looked at his friends.

“Well, I’m sorry to say this, but we still have a job to do.”

“Awww, do we have to?” It was the curious smurf, who once had been too shy to talk and now felt some liberation to stay as he was. He understood Nudist Smurf better now.

“Yeah. We can’t let pleasure get in the way of our duties. Come on you guys, let’s
clean up and finish all of this.”

Reluctantly, the other two followed his instructions. They went to a nearby pond where they splashed water all over each other, on Gay Smurf especially, washing away the evidence of what had just happened. But nothing could ever wash away the memories of what they had done together, no matter how many centuries they lived. Finally, the smurfs returned to where they were and Gay and Smurf put their trousers back on. Soon, they were off to meet the fourth member of their party.

“Who they found still throwing up and slitting his wrists.”

Along the way, they decided not to share the experience with the other smurfs.

They found him surrounded with filled baskets of sarsaparilla leaves. They would have very little work to do, only to carry the baskets back to the village. The thoughtful Smurf said few and just nodded when he was thanked. He didn’t want to hear about what had happened as he didn’t feel ready. But he held no grudge towards his friends either. In a way, it was fitting that the smurfs would try new things, to find their individuality.

One fact that was unavoidable was that Smurf had in fact found himself a name in Gay Smurf. Not even one day had gone by since Nudist Smurf had found his way and already there had been more controversial than him, at least as far as names went. But he didn’t mind, he was just content to have found himself and found good friends. The curious smurf decided to remain nameless, but with a shy voice, he asked if they could do it again and Gay Smurf passed an arm around his friend’s shoulders before answering “Of course!” enthusiastically.

Once they reached the village, the smurfs dumped the sarsaparilla in the reserves and then they all went their separate ways. By then, Smurf was no longer troubling his mind about what had happened between the three others during his absence, and he simply joined Nudist Smurf to a game of smurfball in the streets. Smurf was hungry and so he headed towards the kitchen to see if Cook had anything to other. It left Gay Smurf on his own, who returned home to ponder what had just happened.

As he travelled on the border of the village towards his home, he saw a patch of colourful wild flowers growing among the grass. It gave him an idea. He picked them and brought them back home. There, he braided them to give a rainbow colored bracelet. He knew that he didn’t need to go wild like Nudist Smurf to get his individuality. Satisfied, he went to the second floor to his bedroom where his desk was, took out a pen and paper and started relating his story, hoping that it would only be the first of many to come.

Well it would seem to be since the author hasn’t posted anymore chapters. The original, Rob Bricken version is here, if you want. Go ahead and let me know if there is a story you want me to do this anniversary month in the comments.

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