Candy Crush Developer Enters The Running For The ‘King Douchebag of Asshole Galaxy’ Title

Urge to kill...RISING!!

Urge to kill…RISING!!

Gamezebo found this amusing little tidbit about King, the developer of “Candy Crush Saga” a.k.a. the digital equivalent and/or substitute for crack cocaine, in that the company has submitted a patent claim to the word “candy” on February 6th, 2013. The claim state that King.com Limited would have intellectual property protection and rights to the word “candy” pertaining to video games and, in a bizzaro world-worthy twist, clothings. Now, any well-reasoned individuals of power in any other patent office on the face of the planet would’ve laughed their tits off and called for security to escort King out of their goddamn office.

The boys and girls at the U.S. Patent Office, however, are not well-reasoned individuals.

They also probably think this company was run by an actual king.

They also probably think this company was run by an actual king.

As of January 15th, 2014, the motion was carried, and this mad emperor wasted no time to begin its conquest. Apple’s own app store has been doling out emails by the metric buttload to other game developers practically saying that either they take off their games with “candy” in the title off the market or get lawyered up and get ready for a royal rumble. Considering most of these folks are indie developers, they most likely couldn’t afford a lawyer and so decided to agree to Apple’s demand and shuffled off, presumably while being watched by King from high atop his evil castle’s balcony as he stroked his evil chin and let loose an evil laugh.

Pictured.

Pictured.

This makes me wonder if U.S. patent laws really are as morally bankrupt as so many people have suggested. I mean, what’s next? A patent for “is”, “are”, “am”, and “the”? Would this go on until each individual words in the English language is owned by a corporate entity? At that rate, the only thing us peasants can speak is the words of a bound and gagged S&M enthusiasts going, “Mmm mmm mmm mmmm” to express EVERYTHING!

That is, until Microsoft came up with the bright idea to patent the letter “m”. Then we’re REALLY screwed!

9 responses to “Candy Crush Developer Enters The Running For The ‘King Douchebag of Asshole Galaxy’ Title

  1. This country is headed straight for collapse, I just hope all the other countries with more ambition than sense is too busy with their own issues to take advantage of it.

  2. It’s not a patent. It’s a trademark. The two are completely different. Get your facts right please… Patents are for inventions or software, while trademarks are for names. The worst thing that comes from this is the inability to name videogames “Candy something”. Calm down. In the meantime, join in on the Candy Jam some indie devs are starting in protest!

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