BREAKING: ESRB Think There Might Be Violence In “Watch Dogs”

"We also think it's not about actual dogs." - ESRB, playing Captain Obvious

“We also think it’s not about actual dogs.” – ESRB

The Examiner managed to dig up this rating information from the ESRB listing the various things that the player would expect to see in the game. Considering that the ESRB always take on the stance of a prude by proxy, it is always amusing to see the unmistakable nuance of dry humor they pour into every piece of these unintentional comedy gems. So let me get my game face on and join them!



Nooo, reaaaaally? A game that depicts violence as a solution to most problems is going to have foul language and alcoholic references as well? Why, we didn’t expect that at all! Good show, ESRB! Way to catch those filthy, filthy game developers trying to poison our children’s minds and distract them from their Bible Studies! I believe this calls for a celebration! Mary, do be a dear and break out the non-alcoholic cider!

In fairness, the document did cite some parts that might be a tad difficult for people to swallow, such as the trafficking and selling of women to the highest bidders. But hey, that’s why the “M” rating is there: to keep the immature people out. ZING!

Editor’s Note: We need to talk, Rick.

Pictured: my relationship  with my editor.

Pictured: my relationship with my editor.

3 responses to “BREAKING: ESRB Think There Might Be Violence In “Watch Dogs”

  1. Oddly enough, I’m actually going to thank the ESRB for that break down. Not that this will make me cancel my preorder (from way back for its ORIGINAL launch date!) But hopefully for parents who think it will be a good idea to buy this game for “Little Jimmy”. I’ve had to have the convo repeatedly with people that video games are not, by default, for young children any more. The usual response is “Oh, how bad can it be?” Well, THIS is how bad it can get!

    Ok, end of rant. Can’t wait to hack Chicago!

    • On the flip side, watch as the same Mommy McNag read in shock and horror of the description, before running to the nearest Soccer Mom Coalition and rally chanting how “Violent Videogames Corrupts My Son Into A Whore” or something like that.

      But hey, enough of the doom and gloom! Time to set up a Rube-Goldberg-esque death trap through the comfort of my phone!

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