Well, this is different!  Just like last year, the sub-exclusive He-Man figure came with a mini-comic!  Remember that one?  Well, this year there shall be three comics, designed to wrap up the story of He-Man.  Part One came with Oo-Larr, so it’s time for a review!  Now, as it was last year, the basic rule is, “don’t scan whole sections,” and “don’t make the scans look too good.”  So none of these are full pages, there’s stuff missing, and the lighting is a little funky.  Even that cover scan above is cropped a little.  If you want to read the whole thing, get Oo-Larr. Anyway, the comic opens by telling us that after defeating Skeletor,  He-Man spent ten years combing the universe and trying to find She-Ra, who disappeared after fighting Horde Prime. And no, we don’t get to see her fight with Horde Prime.  And so, he returns to Eternia after not checking in for ten years.  He-Man lands and immediately ditches his awesome Laser Light costume from the last comic in favor of his original furry underwear, just with a cape. Hey, look!  It’s Detective Lubic from the movie! YAAAY!  ahem.  Anyway, back to the comic… Turns out his father died in the interim (whoops! Shoulda called home at least once!), and now He-Man will become king.  But first, he needs a queen!

Teela, formerly a kickass fighter-woman, is now the stay-at-home sorceress.  Oh hey, what’s this?  A “Secret marriage?”  Why yes, I totally believe that He-Man and Teela got “secretly married” (read: knocked boots) before he left.  Totally legit marriage here.  Uh-huh.  Anyway, He-Man has been gone for fifteen years (five fighting Skeletor, ten looking for his sister), and never tought to call home and check in with his wife?  ‘Cause she’s got a surprise for him!

Yeah, He-Man.  SHOULDA CALLED HOME.  ESPECIALLY IF YOU “ALWAYS KNEW.”  This brings up a question:  If the arriage was secret, and the son is secret, has Dare just been locked in the basement for a decade and a half?  Great reference to 200X Prince Adam’s costume though.   But ANYWAY, He-Man is crowned king, and seals way the power sword forever (read: not forever) so his kingdom can be ruled with peace.  We also get introduced to the new heroes, who were lifted from the unused, unaired pilto to He-Ro: Son of He-Man.  You can read the series Bible and see those character designs, so having them included is cool.  NOTE:  They do nothing of consequence in this comic besides stand in the background.

Well, all’s well that ends well!  Wait, what’s that, Orko?  What did you just say?    

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Okay, so Despara (read: Possessed SHe-Ra), Zombie-Skeletor, and a whole ton of awesome gargoyle monsters attack!  Actually, everybody stands around so He-Man and Despara (who has an awesome costume. Kind of sexy, if you’re into skeletal vampire pigs) chat.  She blames He-Man for Hordak’s death, Hordak says that Skeletor did it and…

Well, so much for Zombie Skeletor.

ANYWAY… Dare suddenly grabs the power sword and decides to be a hero.  Or should I say, a He-Ro.

Hey he cribbed his dad’s New Adventures outfit!  He-Ro jumps off a building, and just sorta stands there as Despara says “I want that sword!”, grabs the sword, and turns back into She-Ra.  Orko effortlessly imprisons Hordak’s spirit forever, and the fight has officially fizzled!

Well, all’s well that ends well!  Wait, what’s that, He-Man?  What did you just say?

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Woah. WOAH. Oh yeah, if Teela was in there, she’s toast.  Burnt toast.  With maybe a little jam splattered everywhere.  I am an awful human being. And this final panel gives us our awesome cliffhanger, with Skeleteen (lol at the name), Megabeast, Jitsu, Demo-Man, and of course, The Unnamed One.  Megabeast is Modulok fused with Multi-Bot, Demo-Man used to be part of Skeletor, Jitsu is rocking his old-man ‘do, and everybody and his uncle hopes that Skeleteen will turn into a hero, but who knows!  The next issue promises the return of King Hsss, because being killed by Orko is just not a way to go. So, in summary, what did I think?  Well…. the art was awesome.  But the comic itself was too compressed.  Seriously, this is a whole series’ worth of stuff smushed into no space at all.  The New Masters do diddly-squat besides stand in the background of a couple of shots.  Dare says “hi” once, grabs his dad’s sword, and then… jumps off a wall.  Zombie Skeletor, after all that build-up, says “Rawwwr” for two panels and then dies.  Despera doesn’t have a fight with He-Man, she just chats.  And then turns good at random.  It’s frustrating.  The plot whips in all these crazy directions, but since nothing is given more than half a page worth of development, it feels like a summary with fan art.  The story could be good, or it could suck, but we can’t tell when it’s compressed this much.