Life In Plastic: TOY REVIEW: Sssqueeze (Masters of the Universe Classics)


One of MOTUC’s big goals is to recreate very single vintage figure, an insanely daunting task. Littered throughout the line have been the Snake Men, clearly staggered enough to stretch throughout its run. And thus, the last one announced was Sssqueeze, and this straggler was definitely one of the reasons why 2015 went through. Can’t finish the Snake Men without everybody!


In a line of parts reusedand repainted, Sssqueeze always stood out. He had ordinary He-Man leg, but then everything else about him was designed to accomodate his gigantic extendo-arms (actually a single piece of hose threaded through his body). His visual distinctness makeshim pretty memorable, as well as a Snake Man who actually seems snakelike!


One of King Hssss’ chief lieutenants during the Great Wars, Shazz was better known to his enemies as Sssqueeze due to his trademark “slither hold.” He enjoys entangling his foes with his powerful constrictor snake arms and just can’t keep them off any enemy. As soon as a fight starts he’s in the thick of things, wrapping up the first warrior he gets a grip on. Trapped in the Vod for several millennia, he wa at long last released along with the rest of the Snake Men Army by their descendent Kobra Khan. Finding Eternia ripe for conquest, Shazzz continues to serve King Hssss in battle. His enemies cannot escape the long arms of Sssqueeze!


Those typos were all in the bio text. For once it’s not my fault!



This crappy photo shows you that Ssssqueeze’s package is the same as everything else.


SCULPT: ***1/2

Let’s getthe negativity out of the way: Sssqueeze is accurate to his vintage toy, which means that he has a goofy alligator-ish head, not the vicious viper of his 200X design. Likewise, his hands are a little goony, in the name of nostalgia. But this is not his 200X design, so we might as well give up on that.


That said, he’s pretty dang good. Even with the dinosar head, Sssqueeze looks pretty good. His arms have some shape around the shoulders, which makes them look more like actual body parts than on his old toy, and his other details have gotten the decent MOTUC treatment. It’s just those hands and that head that seem a little off.


Sssqueeze’s armor is almost futuristic, or at least non-medieval. It looks a little like sports gear, like something he pulled out of a bloodthirsty hockey game. If his massive wobble-arms didn’t already set him apart from the crowd, the armor certainly finishes the job.


PAINT: ***

Sssqueeze features bright, flat colors. The lack of a paint wash on his arms makes sense, as they are bendy, and too much paint might eventually start to crack. The rest of him simply matches. Hi lines are pretty clean, though not perfect, but Sssqueeze matches up with his vitage toy extremely well.


His armor is a little too flat, and comes off looking like plastic – he’s wearing plastic, not metal, as armor. Again, it matches the original, but something about the armor looks more “fake” than usual.



Sssqueeze has a lot of normal MOTUC articulation, albeit with a few differences. He’s got ball-and-socket shoulders and hips, hinged knees, hinged ankles, swivel wrists and waist, an ab crunch, and bendable arms.


It’s those arms. MOTUC and bendies have a… history. A while ago, Snout Spout, the cyborg elephant fire fighter (wtf?), had a bendy trunk. Only, mattel chose to experiment with a new foam-lik material. Unfortunately, the foam had a tendency to rot when exposed to oxygen (or was that the paint on it?, and thus very few Snout Spouts survived intat. The same thing happened to the hugely expensive Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. This sucked. This sucked so badly that Mattel pledged to never again use bendable materials in their He-Man figures. It was over. Done. Octavia had stiff, unarticulated tentacles.


And now Sssqueeze is bendy. His arms use a thick-yet-flexible rubber that feels more durable than most bendy material I have dealt with. It feels heavy, in fact. I am not going to stress them too uch, but I think his arms are secure.


Heavy-duty or not, they are also flexible. You can put Sssqueezeinto a tremendous variety of poses with those arms. And the crazy thing is, his body is sturdy enough to remain standing almost no matter what you do! This makes Sssqueeze a “fun” toy, not just a grownup display model. Play with him!



He’s got one item: A little snake staff that does not match the other Snake Men, but matches his vintage toy. Sssqueeze does not have a copy of Hssss’s Caduceus, but he seems fine with this… thing. It’s small, it doesn’t quite match, but he at least has something to hold.


VALUE: **1/2

MOTUC pricing before shipping ($26) is all right. But after Mattel’s inflated shipping ($40), it’s crap on a stick.



I have not seen any damage yet, but be mindful of those bendable arms, and try not to damage them.



As with all MOTUC, hunt around on-line.



The Snake Men are complete! Sssqueeze is the last of the vintage group, and he came out surprisingly well. In light of Mattel’s anti-bendy claim, fans were abuz with speculation – hinged arms? Swappable arms? But then we got some really good bendies, and all is well. The parts of him that lok goofy are true to the original figure, so there isn’t much anybody can do about that – but Sssqueeze is a fun toy, and fun is what matters.


Put your hands up in the air! Wave ’em like you just don’t care!

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