WoooOOOOoooooOOOo SPOOKY!!!! Welcome, to our review of Funko’s Horror Classics Mystery Minis (Volume 2). As previously stated, Mystery Minis are kinda-sorta tangentially related to Funko’s insanely popular POP lline – whereas POPs are Hello Kitty-styled non-Bobbleheads, Mystery Minis contain more of a general chibi aesthetic, and work on a smaller, blind-bagged scale. They also come in a bunch of properties, ranging from Disney to the TV show Supernatural. Horror Classics Vol. 1 came out last year, and was almost entirely slasher-themed. I only bought one box at the time (I had not yet realized the joy of Mystery Minis), and came out of it with Pennywise the Clown, which was my favorite of the lot. But then came this year’s offerings, and…
AAAAAGH! Look at those! So awesome! Genuine classics! Okay, so I got a little excited at Alfred Hitchcock and Cthulhu. So sue me. Now, unlike the Heroes of the Storm minis, these ones do have rarity ratios – 1/12 for the most common, 2/24 for the next tier, a fe 1/36, and the rare ones at 1/72. Rarer slots generally go to variants, though Pinhead is also tremendously difficult to find. And, of course, if you want somebody like the 1/24 Cthulhu or his glow in the dark variant, you can always weigh out the heaviest box. But don’t do that where people can see. Hah. ANYWAY… I’ve got ten, no doubles. These aren’t all the figures, but they cover the vast majority of my favorites (no American Werewolf, alas), and should give you a great look at the series as a whole. Let’s go!
We live in a wondrous age where there exists an action figure of Alfred Hitchcock. And as much as some of the other figures in this line are two of my favorite-ever monsters, ole’ Hitch here probably holds the most special place in my heart. This is Alfred. Hitchcock. One of the best filmmakers in history. The man who practically invented the plot twist. And the man who said the following things:
“Fear isn’t so difficult to understand. After all, weren’t we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It’s just a different wolf. This fright complex is rooted in every individual.”
“The paperback is very interesting but I find it will never replace the hardcover book — it makes a very poor doorstop.”
“I’m a writer and, therefore, automatically a suspicious character.”
“Seeing a murder on television… can help work off one’s antagonisms. And if you haven’t any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.”
“I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.”
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
The other ultimate favorite of the set, Cthulhu is not the rarest, though his variant is pretty scarce, but he is certainly hard to find. Being the heaviest figure by far, this guy gets cherrypicked and sold for $20 on-line, because people are evil. Out of all of Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors, Cthulhu seems to have become the posterboy – not because he’s the biggest and baddest, but because he is the easiest to grasp. His form is essentially humanoid, his motives make sense, and his story is gripping. And so, even though there are plenty of more extreme monsters in Lovecraft’s mythos, Cthulhu is the posterboy. This figure is hilarious, and surprisingly different from Cthulhu’s POP figure.
You’ve already heard my opinion on Nosferatu, and now Orlok has a minifigure! This one is gaunt and thin weighing practically nothing, but it manages to capture Orlok’s essential appearance and personality even when done up to be cutesy. This vampire is not going to sparkle, he’s not even an evil seducing charmer. He’s a monster, pure and simple, and he spreads the plague like nothing else. Orlok is always overdue for an action figure, even though some others do exist.
And of course, I have to do a little bit of photoshopping on this picture. Just a little.
THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON
One of the best suitmation monsters ever made, the Gillman is such a fantastic fish-man type that people never really try to surpass it anymore, they just go for something different. Although similar in concept to Lovecraft’s Deep Ones, the Gillman is more of an evolutionary oddity than a cosmic horror, and even in this cute form you can see the surprising amounts of humanity in his face.
“Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein isn’t the name of the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein was the monster.”
“And snarkiness is realizing that since the monster is Victor Frankenstein’s ‘son,’ then it most likely shares his name.”
Based on the Universal Studios version of the Monster, this figure manages to capture everythingabout him, and use its cuteness to dial up his sad, woobie-ish nature. Poor squarehead just needs friends, a chance to be peaceful, and perhaps a new brain. It’s the sadness in those blank eyes – Funko really knows how to handle facial expressions on these things. Just remember, he isn’t really the monster, he’s the creation abandoned by a human monster.
Such a pleasant surprise, this is – instead of Jeff Goldblum’s Brundlefly (though that is an awesome monster), Funko has chosen to truly honor the “Classics” name by reaching back to the original creature from The Fly. With only his head and arm swapped, it was an obvious rubber mask, but the movie knew how to combine sarcastic comedy with genuine horror. This mini really has good detailing, and the pose is surprisingly action-oriented, too.
Oh yeah, and I had to do this. It’s Fly Vs. Fly! Science Vs. Magic!
Hey, Gremlins? Actually, Gremlins was originally conceived as a dark horror movie, and you can still see much of that influence in the finished movie. Stripe is the ringleader of the evil Gremlins, and easily the most sadistic and murderous of the lot. While most Gremlins seem to be content to just screw around and break things, Stripe went out of his way to be malicious. He’s the shortest Mystery Mini I’ve ever seen, but still has some decent bulk. And in case you were wondering if all the minis looked sad, Stripe certainly doesn’t. With a look like that, he’s about to try to feed Gizmo to a table saw.
The polar opposite of Orlok in appearance, David is the ringleader from The Lost Boys. Ever bit an ’80s punk, he and his fellow vampires seem content to party, hang out, and get drunk… well, and murder people to drink their blood. But they honestly acted like fun guys to be around, even if David could be kind of a jerk sometimes. That Chinese foos you’re eating, is that rice or maggots? HAHA! GOTCHA!
Okay, now I have to register a formal complaint. Edward Scissorhands is not a horror movie, it’s just a Tim Burton movie. You know, semi-autobiographical and weird. It’s ore of a tragicomedy than anythign else, with poor Edward as a homunculus-like robot who just can’t fit in. But this mini has an insanely complex design, with thigns like his spiky hair and those scissor hands perfectly represented. And of course, there’s that lost, bewildered face. Yeah, they nailed Johnny Depp here.
ED OF THE DEAD
And here’s one part where my collection is totally incomplete – both Shaun and Ed from Shaun of the Dead are easily available, but soehow I only ended up with Ed (because I was trying to weigh packs to find Cthulhu, and he’s also heavy). This figure nails him, though – he looks fat, slovenly, and totally lost even though it’s time to smack some zombies. The apocalypse did not find Ed ready… and we all know what happens to him by the end of the movie. Poor, poor Ed.
So, there you go! As for Beetlejuice, Pinhead, the American Werewolf, Shaun, Eric Draven, or the variants, you’ll have to find those for yourself. But these guys are really fun – and as great as Volume 1 was, these figures just blow them out of the water. They’ve got licenses I never thought I would see, and now I am already waiting with bated breath for next year’s Series 3!