Life In Plastic: RETRO REVIEW: The Phlebiac Brothers (Toon Spawn)


In the Spawn Mythos, you have the Phlebiac Brothers, five “true demons” of Hell who report directly to Malebolgia, and make SPawn’s life hell. Violator, their leader, is in fact one of the series major villains. “So hey,” they said at McFarlane Toys. “Let’s make cute, cuddly, cartoon versions of them!”

Well, there were a couple of sets of Toon Spawn figures, which looked nothing like the actual naimated series. To be honest, they probably came from a failed pitch, and were repurposed as concept toys. The Phlebiac Brothers came in their own multipack, and are still pretty available all over the internet. The figures are about three inches tall, and each have some articulation – generally the arms and legs, though they vary a little. In the comics, they are a fearsome group of demons named Violator, Vindicator, Vandalizer, Vaporizer, and Vaccilator. But these li’l guys are Violator, Brutalizer, Vandalizer, Vaporizer, and Squeamish. Uh, guys, they’re still demons of Hell, you’ll have to try harder than that.


An evil demon beyond all comprehension, Violator is petty and mean, usually taking the form of a sadistic clown. This figure notably lacks the Todd McFarlane Underbite(tm), but then all the Phlebiac brothers do. He’s almost unrecognizable as Violator – but then, the same applies to the other guys. Violator is the tallest and skinniest of the group, and leans on his knuckles to stand. He actually relies on his articulation more than the others, too.


Big, yellow, and mean, Brutalizer has the most “normal” body shape of the group! He balances pretty well on his feet, so you are free to move his arms around if you don’t want him resting on his knuckles.


The biggest and heaviest of the group, Vandalizer almost looks like a raging bull! This figure has a surprising amount of heft in it, which reflects that it’s actually solid, not hollow.


Well, Vaporizer did have extra limbs, so they got that much right. This little green ball of fun looks like he belongs in an antihistamine commercial, and we should all love him for it. In fact, the whole group looks like that – and isn’t that what we want in life? Cartoon germs?


You know, Squeamish actually looks squeamish! They all have personality, but his is just hilarious. These guys are awesome, they’re like the Most Evil Muppets Ever. How can you look at Squeamish and not feel happier?


So, there you go. They may not be accurate to the comic at all, but the Phlebiac Brothers are a cute, quirky little group of monster muppets, and what more can you ask for in life? They’re just silly enough to fit naywhere, too – you could stick them on a desk and not have to answer embarrassing questions. Just claim that they match your moods.


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