Fingerboards (tiny handheld skateboards) have been around since the 1950s, and serve the practical purpose of demonstrating skateboard tricks before hopping on one and breaking your hip. So of course, they’ve had action figures. Tech Deck Dudes had a nice run a few years back, featuring anthropomorphic fingers, monsters, and whatnot with magnetic feet and more whatnot. You know, whatnot. Okay, wow, that was a really boring summary. I’m sorry, everybody. I promise to bring my A-game from now on.
OKAY! So, Tech Deck Dudes are back, only smaller! Much smaller. And semi-blind packed (somewhat not). Also way, way more human than before – see that horrific Three Little Pigs gestalt up there? He’s not the most disturbing Tech Deck figure out there, though he does show off the scale difference. Seriously, the old line had at lest two or three Cthulhus in it. And even then, the “normal” dudes weren’t quite human-shaped. These ones, though, are people. Kinda chibified, but people. Well, except for the zombies and ghosts.
The new Tech Deck Dudes are divided up into gangs – you’ve got your Poser Posse, Money Mob, Zombie Swarm, Ghost Gang, Brainy Bunch, Wild Warriors, Army Troop, Ninja Squad, Street Squad, Concrete Crew, and “Epic Trick” figures, which are re-posed versions of other figures in the line. Most of the Dudes have repaints with different names – and in fact, the ghost and concrete gangs are reused sculpts from the other gangs, as well!
The figures come with carrying cases and little bolts, and can be kinda configured into… display stands. Almost. Right. You know what, that doesn’t matter. I have thirty-two of these dudes. Let’s look at them all!
You know who’s aggressively normal? Freddie Flip is aggressively normal! Those neon colors aren’t fooling anybody, Freddie.
I guess that if you’re going to be named after an article of clothing, Hoodz has it a lot better than Left Sock.
Gnarly Naomi stepped out of I guess an ’80s movie somewhere. At least I think she did.
I’m reasonably certain that Phat Phran is really just Queen Latifah.
Shut up, Ollie, nobody cares about you.
Not even your Epic Trick can make you cool, Ollie.
And the same goes for you, Nollie.
Phantom Frank is transparent, which saves his blaaaaaaaandness… kinda.
Sir Spooks is pretty much The Gentleman Ghost. I wonder if DC is going to sue.
Oh yeah, and Stone Cold Sarah is pretty much Phat Phran after meeting Medusa.
5-Oh No is a cop on a skateboard. Isn’t that illegal? I mean, ever since the Segway and Bike wars, I thought we finally regulated just how many goofy vehicles police officers can use. Apparently I was sorely mistaken.
Nunchaku is a ninja. I know that you may think that ninja are supposed to be invisible, but this is a misnomer. You are actually thinking about John Cena.
I know the checklist says his name is Jungle Jim, but I think we all know that this is really Akuma’s awkward teenage years.
Hammer Hat demonstrates the immense importance skateboards have in construction site safety.
Hammer Hat’s Epic Trick pose is… OH MY WORD WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT HAMMER? No! Please! Don’t! AUUUUGH!
Oh ha ha, Nail-It Ned is a reference to Wreck-It Ralph! How timely three years after the movie came and went! Cutting edge.
Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting… also, Judo here is Cooler Raiden(tm). Fatality?
Spikey Mikey has gray hair. Spikey Mikey greatly regrets choosing his nickname forty years ago, and sticking with it.
Col. Half-Cab’s Epic Trick appears to be wildly hurling grenades everywhere, raining fire and death upon all witnesses. Epic, indeed.
At least Sgt. Big Spin isn’t actively murdering anybody!
Undead Ed is dead. Undead Ed is carrying somebody else’s brain. Undead Ed is not the only murderer in this toy line.
Undead Ed’s Epic Trick is something I could actually do – tripping and falling, landing stomach-first on his skateboard, and then careening out of control down a hill, causing traffic accidents and bowling over pedestrians before crashing into a brick wall headfirst.
Robbie Rotten may think he’s cool with his hand gestures, but he doesn’t seem to realize that when you take your arms off, you can’t put them back on very easily at all.
I wonder what kind of virus Viral Vince has? And I wonder how it’s transmitted?
Smash Out demonstrates the serenity and enlightenment Buddhist monks are known for by breaking your jaw with his fist and then strangling you with his prayer beads. Embrace nothingness.
Sam Urai carries a sword when he goes skateboearding, which means that something very horrible is going to happen to him the first time he wipes out.
You know who else is going to feel horrible when he falls and impales himself? Book Worm, with his pencil. Not so smart now, are you?
Fresh Felix is really generic, I am sorry.
But on the other hand, Fresh Felix’s Epic Trick is actually pretty darn epic – though it should be noted that he has a hole in his head to fit the skateboard’s peg. Are lobotomies common in skateboarding?
Hmm, King Crush reminds me of a certain someone from a certain Indiana Jones movie. But I wonder whom. Maybe his repaint will help me with that…
Oh hey, Bad Bone is pretty much just Mola Ram! KALI MA! KALI MA! Also, cool Epic Trick pose. KALI MAAAAAAAA!
And finally, we have Wild Wes, aka The Lion King. Or the guy who murdered The Lion King and wears his head for a hat, same diff.
Well, there you have it! These guys… are actually fun. Seriously. Their tiny skateboard are fun, the figures themselves are fun – it’s all just a surprisingly fun package. Even the bland dudes are fun.